Dear Diary,

I'm currently reading "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao," and "Lady Chatterly's Lover." I'm holding off with all the restraint I am able to muster and waiting to read "The Year of Magical Thinking." It's teasing me though, so we shall see if I can resist.

I read an interesting article in the NY Times about Carl Jung's "Red Book" which is being somewhat controversially published next month. Considering the facts that my therapist is a Jungian and that Jung's ideas (at least the ones I have a vague understanding about) intrigue me, the "Red Book" is also on my reading to-do list. And I'll admit, the fact that this book has caused a ruckus makes it all-the-more appealing.

I wish I were in a book club or class where I could discuss these books, but I guess that's what on-line forums are for.

Maybe this means that it is about time for me to start thinking more seriously about going back to school.

My current musical interests include: The Generationals, Starfucker, The Flaming Lips, Crystal Castles, Bibio, Ratatat, Frederic Chopin (thanks to Dexter), Neko Case (still), Jr. Boys, perhaps Wild Beasts, and the love of my life, Dylan.

I think I'll go ride my bike in the dark now.

P.S. I'm in love.

Candid Youth

Every time I babysit new children, I am reminded how G- and N- are scary-close to perfect. Other young children are the typical nonsensical, fickle, naturally caffeinated teeny-tiny monsters/angels-- simply put, they're "normal." I guess I've never been attracted to normal though.

What I am about to type is trite. I just wanted to warn you.

One thing I appreciate (and occasionally despise) about all children is their frankness. Many do not have a concept of appropriateness.

"Why are you so fancy?" -F (boy)

"What's fancy about me?" -Me

"Your shoes are shiiiiiiny, and your necklace is like fancy...and you're wearing all black," -F

"Hmm, my shoes are red though, and my necklace is not black," -Me

"Yeah...but why are you wearing all black?" -F

"I just like this outfit. It's comfortable." -Me

F- looks me up and down.

"Well, I think you look cool. The black is cool." -F

Phew!

At around 10:30 P.M., right before the front desk called the room and asked us to be quiet, F- had another moment of pure honesty.

"Hey, F-, A-, you guys need to stop jumping on the bed, otherwise we're going to get in trouble for being loud." -Me

"Why are you here?" -F

"Because your Mamas and Papas wanted me to watch you." -Me

"Well, we don't like you watching us. You can go home." -F

He was only four, but it kind of hurt. Silly, I know.

If I have children, I beg you Universe, please send me ones like G- and N-!!!

P.S. Universe, will you bring Autumn sooner rather than later?

P.S.

Last night, I had a dream that a dog was trying to convince me to have sex with him. I resisted and then it turned into a man. I was too clever and continued to resist despite the convincing metamorphosis. 

I ran away and got stoned in a park while waiting to go to class. Then, a Japanese girl came over to me and began talking about how adorable I was. She took my head in her lap and brushed my hair until I realized that the situation was bizarre and inappropriate. At this point I flipped out and began yelling obscenities at her. She ran away and I went to play on some slides, which is where the dog caught up to me.       

Interpretations?

It's time that we grow old and do some shit.

At this time last year I was a full-fledged man-hater. Whenever a couple walked past, I whispered, "fuck off," under my breath. All men seemed to be either entirely boring or entirely idiotic. I wished Cupid would shoot his arrow through his own eye. 

This year, I'm buying furniture with a man, and we're talking about flying across the country for the holidays. 

I never really cared for men-haters anyway.

It's different, obviously. It's better.