Tuesday, June 28, 2011

She was living alone (and) happily

In the midst of meeting new guys I've discovered that I am much stronger than I originally thought. I went into this phase of my life wanting nothing more than to make friends with whom I could enjoy life, sans any sort of physicality or -shiver- love. I was insistent that this was all I was looking for, but I was fearful that I would be easily swayed and fall for the first person to show interest. I am proud to say that I am sticking to my boundaries and am honoring where I'm at right now. I'm not sure that I've fully done that in the past, or maybe I just didn't know what I wanted. This time around I am being very conscious about my process and what I want for my life. A few guys have attempted to cross the line, but I've stood my ground.

I went out with someone on Saturday and he wanted to hold my hand and brought up marriage. He and I both wear sentimental jewelry, his brother and I share a name and a birthday and he took these facts to be "signs" that we were meant to be together. AHHHH! Maybe some girls go ga-ga over that shit, but holy hell, take a breath. I'm being unfair, though he was kind of a prick. There was a time in my life when this guy and all of his romantic gestures and flirtations would have made me swoon. At this point, those sorts of things are completely wrong for me. I know this. For me to know and trust myself as much as I do is huge. This self-knowing started several months ago when I began to give myself and my emotions validity and has expanded into a time in my life when I have been uncovering amounts of self-awareness and confidence I didn't know existed. I feel more connected with myself than I have in a long time, perhaps ever.

I love the song "Romantic Rights" by Death From Above 1979, but I propose that they change the lyrics from "She was living alone, unhappily," to "She was living alone and happily." It would alter the song's meaning, but only slightly. They could still do it and start a family. In fact, someone who can live alone and happily is the kind of person I would want to start a family with anyway.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I called it...

Tonight, E- suggested that he fly us to Friday Harbor for a day. I asked him if he could procure any hard drugs to subdue me, but it's not looking good. He suggested horse tranquilizers...anybody?

I spent hours in the sun reading "The Spell of the Sensuous," today. My soul is rooting deeper and deeper into the soil of the Pacific Northwest and my summer freckles are blossoming as late tulips. It's been so long since I've seen my skin in such a state! I'm a northwestern girl.


Casie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dates (and a few good ones)

I'm trying out this dating thing. I think it's going well and I've had plenty of humorous and awkward (some painfully so) moments. This is what it's all about, I'm told.

1. B #1: I went into this hang out with reservations. We had plenty of long and interesting conversations so I thought that I'd give it one more chance, however he was incredibly pushy about romantic involvement (which I am kind of repulsed by at the point) so I was hesitant. It ended up being awful. He preached to me for a solid thirty minutes about Israeli/ Palestinian conflict and Jewish anarchist groups. Talk. Talk. Talk. He talked the entire time and I couldn't wait to leave. I need friends with whom I can have intelligent conversations, but I want to be able to get a word in here and there. I think this guy just needs a mirror and maybe a blow-up doll and he'll be good to go. I've been very upfront with him that I'm not looking to date anybody- I've told him several times- and yet later that day he sent me a text: "I wasn't sure how to read our hangout. Did you just wanna be friends w/ me, & not really go out on a date?" Oy! Too much work. Maya wasn't into him either. Moving on...

2. G-: We met up after my draining hangout with B #1, and had crepes and wine. When my crepe came with sour cream drizzled all over it, he was understanding and sent it back for me since it wasn't vegan. I was worried that he'd think I was being demanding, but he didn't seem concerned at all. Phew! We talked about veganism, societal collapse, the concept of "the other," and he was able to hold a conversation about Harry Potter with me. I was able to geek out about it for a bit. We ended up hanging out all afternoon into the wee hours of the morning playing frisbee; going to his friend's house to play games; and visiting Sun Liquor for a late-night drink. I can see us being buddies. Our sarcasm runs so thick that there were plenty of times when we would have to pause to consider whether the other was being serious or not. He's smart, almost intimidatingly so, but it wasn't the most amazing time I've had. He's borderline pompous. I am still not sure how I feel about getting to know him further, but I guess when you can spend 10 hours with a person and still have things to talk about, it's a good sign. Maya thought he was okay.


3. B #2: One lad came over to play games on Saturday night with my friends. He was something else and was the spitting vocal image of Daniel Plainview (I'm trying to be open to getting to know a variety of people, okay?). While I was making dinner and repressing laughter, A- (who was in the room) sent me a text which said, "I didn't know you invited Daniel Plainview to dinner." I could have died, but luckily I had another text from S-, who informed me that her cat had just fallen into the toilet. I could therefore laugh, mostly at Mr. Plainview, and say it was over S-'s text. He proceeded to guzzle a bottle and half of wine as if it were water (and he took his half empty bottle with him when he left, which I think is hilarious). I thought he was gulping water at one point, but then I realized it was wine. He abandoned his wine glass and switched to a water glass! The game we played was a lot of fun, but there are other people I'd rather play with in the future. I have ignored his texts. I'm thinking that's the best plan at this point. He doesn't know who Steven Colbert is and thinks abortion is morally wrong so I just don't see how we can be friends. Moving on...

4. E-: This date was the one I was looking forward to the most. While we were planning it, it became clear to me that this guy has his shit together. We met at Magnuson Park to go kayaking and he had everything set up and ready to go. When he was fitting me into my life vest, I joked that I wouldn't need it. I went kayaking in South Carolina the weekend before and didn't fall in once. I was feeling confident, but since he brought them I decided to wear it to be nice. Out of all the guys I've been hanging out with he is the easiest to talk to, which after a long weekend of awkward and exhausting moments, was a relief. The weather was gloomy which meant there weren't many people on the water and made for a private and peaceful trip, but the water was choppy- much choppier than it was in South Carolina.

It was interesting to hear all about his life and he asked me a ton of questions about mine. It was a very equal conversation, there wasn't a single lull, and he seemed to get me. I don't know what we were talking about, but we were engaged and looking at each other when our kayaks got a little too close. I tried moving over and dug my paddle in at too much of an angle just as a wake slapped the side of my kayak and flipped me over. The only other time I've been in water that cold was when I skinny dipped with my friends in college, but that's another story. I was so shocked and cold that I couldn't catch my breath. I was sputtering "I...I...I...I'm...I'm so...so...I'm so...em...em...em...barr...barrass...embarr...assed..." It took a while and several deep breaths to compose myself, but E- stayed calm and reassured me that I didn't need to feel embarrassed. He came up with a plan and told me what he was going to do which made me feel much better. He flipped my kayak over and proceeded to pump the water out while I stayed in the lake and began to laugh. Honestly, it was hilarious and he handled it so well that I no longer felt embarrassed. If he hadn't been there, I don't know how I would have gotten back into the boat because he had to pull me up into it. I don't know that I'll ever go alone knowing this.

When we got back to the car it seemed clear that we were both enjoying each other's company and I didn't want the day to be over. I had to run an errand for work at a store near his home and suggested that I go home, change and we could meet up after I ran my errand. He agreed and when I talked to him on the phone a bit later, he mentioned that he had a coupon for this particular store and offered it to me. I know that this sounds like such a trivial thing, but it seemed really thoughtful. Anyway, we ran my errands then had a picnic, which Maya was present at. She took to him right away and let him pet her. She sat on the bench with us and we continued to talk without strain.

I invited him to an event which was happening the next night and I didn't think he'd show up, but he did! I guess so many people say that they'll show up to things and end up flaking out that I've been conditioned to assume they won't show up. Anyway, he wants to plan a mountain biking trip with me for next weekend. I'm beside myself to have a friend who is super easy to be around and wants to play outside as much as I do. The only hang-up is that he's a flight instructor and I fear that one day I'll be suckered into flying in a tiny plane with him. That is something I'm not sure I could handle.


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Arithmetic

Standing in hell's heels for five hours + successfully performing tasks that intimidated me = +8

Meeting new people + babysitting/acting as taxi cab for toasted stranger = +2

Fun date + - "-"= -5

Packing + Annie Hall - M= +7

Preparing legs for swimsuit + pushy fella= -10

Today's total is: +2. At least I'm up.