I must be in a good place now.

I spent my weekend outside: blistered; dirty; thirsty; sore; and completely happy. Being removed from sirens, thumping bass, obnoxious neighbors and pigeons, and roaring airplanes created a sense of stillness and calm in me, which I desperately needed. My thoughts weren't as rapid and despondent as they had been at home. It was peace and what my soul had been begging for. It was a weekend of healing and validation. Being out in nature, I like to think, has washed over my sadness. I'm ready to move forward.

K- shared a poem with me a while ago and I take tremendous comfort in it. The parallels to my weekend are almost flawless:

"Wild Geese"

Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

It was supposed to be a two mile trip to the lake, but since the trails weren't marked (and I forgot to bring a map) it ended up taking us about four hours to arrive at our destination. The upside to this was that we were able to explore parts of a different canyon we would have otherwise avoided. Maya was a trooper and carried her pack most of the way until she finally gave up and refused to move until I took it off. I ended up carrying it the rest of the way.

After setting up camp, we explored the basin and lake a bit, but my ankles and heels were torn up by my new boots and I wasn't able to go very far. We resolved to return to our tent and make dinner. The beauty I was surrounded by was what I have missed and hadn't seen in far too long. Nature. Sitting under the sun, drinking wine, reading and doing crosswords with ideal company was the absolute best way I could have spent my Saturday night. As the sun set, the wind made waves of the wildflowers and gold grass. The noise of crickets filled the air, the scent of dust and sweet desert plants filled my nose, and the joy of being close to raw earth filled my being. I wish I could live in a place like this.

If you look closely, you can see our tent. Over the ledge is a lake and waterfall.

When the air turned cold, we went into our tent and played Pictionary. Doodles included the jackass porcupine and the man with a metal detector, both of which we saw on our trip. We went to bed early, cozy on the hard, rocky ground and we drifted off to sleep to a lullaby of wind and chirping, buzzing insects. Maya's limbs were limp and she didn't give a hoot what I did to her. Exhaustion: that is the way to end a day.

Gratitude and peace now fill me. Mother Nature, you know what you're doing.